hi. i'm back. just adding an update for august i guess.

i got a new job teaching programming at a special needs school. the pub closed down because someone was killed there. someone i knew but i'm not sure if i'd of called a friend. i think he might of called me a friend tho. he invited me to his gfs birthday party just a few days before he died but i didnt go. one of the 2 murderers was someone i'd of called a friend tho. obviously i don't anymore. i like my new job. i'm constantly terrified but it also feels great doing something thats kind of worth while. empowering people. that kind of thing.

Jon's mum wendy is in the hospital. drinking herself to death. Jon wont have her home and neither will steve. she's tried to ring me a couple of times to get me to pick her up but i couldnt if i wanted to. which i don't. i've been thinking about Jon's relationship with wendy and it just makes me kinda sad. there's a lot of bitterness there. a lot of anger both ways. so hateful. idk where i'm going with this a lot of this is just stream of consciousness. i guess i just wonder if things can ever be the same again for him even if she does get better. steve will have a go at Jon when he gets too mean about wendy , reminding him that it's not her fault that she's ill etc. Jon just goes quiet. i'm not sure he sees it that way. i asked him why he never really talks to me about wendy stuff. he said he doesnt want to put all his depressing shit on me. i kind of want him too tho,

i'm on holiday from work for the summer atm i want to spend the time learning something new or doing something useful but i probably wont. i told steve i'll come up and help him clean out the pub for a bit of money. it's me and Jon's anniversery on weds and i want to be able to take him out for dinner or like at least some drinks or something nice. god i'm so poor. i have a wedding next month and its a fucking destination wedding with 1 nearby hotel that costs 1 million billion per night. and its all dress code so i have to buy an outfit too. terrible.