...

here i am back at it again at 4am. feeling an incredible depression today.. i just stayed in and cleaned the house but not the kitchen. i bought a lot of take away. ive spent all my money. i turn 29 in 4 days.

i didn't get that job. i guess i'll be at the stoke forever. i feel like every time i show up to work i am getting closer to breaking point. i can't find the same joy and enjoyment in it as i used to. i miss karen. i seen theres a job going down at the market hall which is run by my old phd supervisor. the application is weird they want a video or presentation... why must they make me do so much unpaid labour just to apply for the fucking job... i want money. i want to take care of Jon. i want us to go out and do things and have fancy dinners and a nice flat with no mould and a roof that doesn't leak.

i need to undertake the Piss Journey. i have to take kafkas urine sample across the city on the bus to the pet hospital and then they'll take his balls off. the problem is that every time i get a urine sample out of him it just dries. i need something with a lid. i need to get up and go. i'll go tuesday. i'll take jon. theres a nice resturant near the pet hospital we'll get dinner.